<lindseyNC13> 13/f/nc u
<shotanderected> 22/m/nc
<shotanderected> do u live in high point
<lindseyNC13> omg
<lindseyNC13> howd u no
<shotanderected> i didntt
<shotanderected> i live there too
<lindseyNC13> oooh
<lindseyNC13> :p sorry
<shotanderected> its ok
<shotanderected> u got pic?
<shotanderected> hlo?
<lindseyNC13> ya hold on
<lindseyNC13> im looking
<lindseyNC13> IMAGE LINK CENSORED
<shotanderected> omf
<shotanderected> ur really cute
<lindseyNC13> :p thanks
<lindseyNC13> send me a pic of u
<shotanderected> IMAGE LINK CENSORED
<shotanderected> u ther
<shotanderected> :(
<lindseyNC13> i didnt ask u to get naked
<shotanderected> oh im sorry
<lindseyNC13> thats so freaky
<shotanderected> im sorry
<shotanderected> srsly
<shotanderected> omg im really sorry
<lindseyNC13> ur cute tho
<shotanderected> oh
<shotanderected> thanks
<lindseyNC13> yaa but next time tell me ur gonna get naked
<lindseyNC13> i was in my living room
<shotanderected> oh im so sorry
<shotanderected> did anyone see?
<lindseyNC13> my brother did
<shotanderected> ohh no
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<shotanderected> im really sorry
<shotanderected> really i am
<lindseyNC13> its ok
<lindseyNC13> u just made me horny :p
<shotanderected> woo
<shotanderected> how horny
<lindseyNC13> hold on lemme go to my room
<lindseyNC13> hlo?
<shotanderected> ya im hard
<shotanderected> hehe
<lindseyNC13> im naked
<lindseyNC13> my nipples r hard
<shotanderected> haha
<shotanderected> i want to suck them
<lindseyNC13> i was to suck ur hard dick
<shotanderected> i want u to suck it too
<lindseyNC13> :p
<shotanderected> u wanna meet up/
<shotanderected> sorry
<shotanderected> sorry i no that was weird
<lindseyNC13> wher do u live
<shotanderected> eh my wife is here
<shotanderected> whre do u live
<lindseyNC13> omg i thot u were single
<lindseyNC13> ur actually married wtff
<shotanderected> is that bad
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<shotanderected> i really am
<shotanderected> is it ok
<lindseyNC13> leave her
<shotanderected> huh what
<lindseyNC13> leave her
<lindseyNC13> put on ur webcam and record it
<lindseyNC13> i want u to divorce her
<lindseyNC13> im not gonna fuck a married man
<lindseyNC13> leave her on we wont meet up
<shotanderected> i cant
<lindseyNC13> ok then bye
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<shotanderected> i cant
<shotanderected> shes so sweet i love her
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<lindseyNC13> if u love her then why are you trying to fuck young girls?
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<shotanderected> i really am
<shotanderected> i just dont love her that way
<shotanderected> god didnt made me that way
<shotanderected> shes the nicest person i hever knew
<shotanderected> and i cant just leave her
<lindseyNC13> if u LOVE her than why are u trying to get my adress
<lindseyNC13> so we can talk about life?
<lindseyNC13> u wanna fuck me and i wont do it unless u leave that bitch
<shotanderected> shes not a bitch
<shotanderected> ur a slut
<lindseyNC13> oh im a slut now?
<lindseyNC13> i was about to get naked for you
<lindseyNC13> fuckin faggot u ruined u chance
<shotanderected> NO
<shotanderected> IM SO SORRY
<shotanderected> please
<shotanderected> dont go
<shotanderected> the last thing
<shotanderected> i need now
<shotanderected> is someone mad at mee
<lindseyNC13> im sending this log to the fbi
<lindseyNC13> mr. high point NC
<shotanderected> i was lying
<shotanderected> dont believe anything u read on the intrnet kid
<lindseyNC13> alright u were lying
<lindseyNC13> so i guess it wont matter when i send this log
<shotanderected> whatev
<shotanderected> go ahead
<shotanderected> i dont care
<lindseyNC13> i sent the log to the charlotte fbi
<lindseyNC13> good luck in jail u pedo fuck

Who knows what to expect from Woody Allen? Most of the films he's made this decade have been pretty unpredictable, and suspiciously Allen has agreed with the public reaction regarding most of them. I thought Melinda and Melinda was a fine, worthwhile effort, Scoop was just mostly mediocre, Match Point was the best film of Allen's career, and Cassandra's Dream was easily the worst he's made. So considering his recent schizophrenic attitude, I wasn't sure where I'd go with this film, but I was still looking forward to it, mostly for Cruz's supposed Oscar-worthy performance and, well, you gotta give the guy credit after so many years of brilliant comedies, and even his failures being interesting failures.

The film centers around two best friends (Vicky and Cristina) who decide to spend the Summer in Barcelona, and while there they are both faced with romantic conflicts with an artist, Juan Antonio, who has invited them to his home for the weekend to get to know each other and have sex. But it's not a love/hate, conventional jealous-romance-plot, it's situations are entirely human and almost brooding in a sort of loosely ardent manner. A lot goes on between their relationships, especially with Cristina, who develops among the strangest love circles ever put on film which I'd rather not give away. Vicky, who is about to get married, forms a sudden attraction towards Juan, but I never really saw it as sexual attraction, but rather as an escape from the knowledge of the desolate reality of commitment. Oh, and did I mention Juan's psychotic manic-depressive ex-wife eventually comes into the picture? Despite the absurdity of the entire situation, the whole thing is executed with definitive authenticity. Part of that may be because of the natural dialogue, which was right off the bat the obvious work of Woody Allen. The perfect dialogue combined with the absurdity of the situation created several absolutely perfect moments of comedic timing. It's characters are smart and human, not just self-aware variations of cliché'd romantic comedy characters. It's situations are not tired and consistently replicated "boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl" plots, but an episodic stream of events packed with energy and originality just about every other romantic comedy this year seemed to lack.

But alas, not all was perfect. The film's narrator spoke with an irritatingly robotic tone, along with narration being entirely pointless from the start, and I also thought the film spent too long expressing Vicky's passionless relationship with her husband (which in a way, may have been intentional)... but it's an otherwise tiny flaw which hardly detracted from the overall joyful experience Woody has provided. And yes, give Cruz that Oscar.

8.75/10

ME: I like raping children. Their smooth buttocks and undeveloped bodies sexually gratify me to an extent beyond normality. Just the thought of raping children sexually arouses me. What do you guys think of the lovely sex toy known as children?

FAGGOT: Reported.

ME: Wow... you are by far the most sensitive faggot on the internet. Whenever your mates make fun of you, or tells you an offensive joke, do you whine about it to your fat cunt of a mother? Do you go on the internet simply to report every slightly repellent remark to satisfy your smug arrogance? I assume you went to a Private School where reality was grounds for expulsion, because only a parent or a little bitch would cry about such an obvious joke.

FAGGOT: Yawn. Please spare me the "this is the internet" crap, because I've heard enough of it by now. This is a family friendly server, hence it's almost exactly like telling your story to a concerned mother. And I never went to a Private School, so there goes your pathetic theory.

ME: Family friendly? Which is why it contains information about porno videos, uses an essentially tricky board system, and requires you to be of a certain age to post on the forums? And why should I spare you the "this is the internet" crap, the internet and real life are both entirely different.

FAGGOT: The internet is simply an alternate form of communication, why do you think bomb threats made on the internet are taken just as seriously as those in real life?

ME: The internet is SIMPLY an alternate form of communication? Woah, you've certainly outdone yourself there, Mr. Faggot. The internet is almost an alternate REALITY, a second LIFE, a place for social networking without judging merely on appearance and mannerisms. And bomb threats made on the internet are taken seriously because the government is fucking paranoid and stupid enough to believe a 15-year-old acne-ridden wimp who visits websites like 4chan and Newgrounds is a threat.

FAGGOT: You honestly need to just shut the fuck up and stop being such a closed-minded ignorant retard. Consequential actions may be different on the internet from real life, but both are generally for similar circumstances, be it for harassment, fraud, or even stealing. And how is the SS expected to know that the NG and 4chan users are 15 fucking years old? And what if a threat ever turned out to be authentic, and the president is killed, and the SS must bear the guilt of having a chance to disengage the diabolical plan? How about you stop being such a naive fuck and learn to take the world seriously, be it on the internet or in real life?

ME: For one, your appallingly disgusting arguments consist of hypothetical impossibilites, so I'm simply going to pass them off as a desperate attempt at defending your loose opinions. Second, you need to take some medication for that Bipolar, because you've made it very clear you have mild variation of it. I honestly won't be surprised if you become the next Mitchell Henderson or that fat bitch who offed herself if I insult you to a harmful extent, so I'll just keep quiet for now.

FAGGOT: You are an unctuous little scumbag piece of shit. First you assume I know nothing of reality for simply for displaying a routinely concerned tone in regards to reading such appalling material. Then you pass off my arguments as forced and desperate, simply because you're too closed-minded and ignorant to understand the reasoning behind the government's taut security. Now you unfairly diagnosed me with a serious mental disorder for disagreeing with your opinion with a harsh tone after you consistently insulted me and my arguments, and you exploited a manic-depressive child's suicide to gratify some sort of pathetic humor in your disgusting nature. Consider yourself ignored, cunt.

Flared says (1:24 AM):
the game
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
fuck you
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:25 AM):
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Flared says (1:25 AM):
the game
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
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Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
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Flared says (1:25 AM):
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Flared says (1:25 AM):
the game
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
fuck you
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:25 AM):
fuck you
Flared says (1:25 AM):
the game
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
fuck you
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:25 AM):
fuck you
Flared says (1:25 AM):
the game
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
fuck you
Absyrd says (1:25 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:25 AM):
fuck you
Flared says (1:25 AM):
the game
Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
fuck you
Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:26 AM):
fuck you
Flared says (1:26 AM):
the game
Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
fuck you
Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:26 AM):
fuck you
Flared says (1:26 AM):
the game
Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
fuck you
Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:26 AM):
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Flared says (1:26 AM):
the
Flared says (1:26 AM):
gameeeeee
Flared says (1:26 AM):
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Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
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Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:26 AM):
i had that copied
Flared says (1:26 AM):
the game
Flared says (1:26 AM):
fuck you
Flared says (1:26 AM):
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Flared says (1:26 AM):
fuck you
Flared says (1:26 AM):
THE GAME
Absyrd says (1:26 AM):
FUCK YOU THE GAME FUCKYTOU SKDFKFKDFKDFKDFKDFKLKFDLFDLKFDLFLDLFKD LKDF
Flared says (1:26 AM):
fuck youfuck youfuck youfuck youfuck youfuck youfuck youfuck youfuck youfuck youfuck you

---

WHEN IM HUNGRY

ME: tacoplz
WOMAN: Make it yourself
ME: Excuse me?
WOMAN: make it yourself
ME: Who's the woman here?
WOMAN: Fuck you
ME: WHO'S THE WOMAN HERE
WOMAN: i dont give a shit
ME: YOUR the woman
ME: now make a taco
WOMAN: fuck you

---

DURING A ZOMBIE PANDEMIC

ME: lol @ zombies
WOMAN: Martha's dead.
ME: sux
WOMAN: Martha's FUCKING DEAD MARTHA'S FUCKING DEAD
ME: so?
WOMAN: I need to call my parents
ME: k
WOMAN: I need to call my fucking parents HELP ME
ME: call em then
WOMAN: give me the phone
ME: u get it
WOMAN: give it to me its right there, right next to you.
ME: just come and get it
WOMAN: GIVE IT TO ME BRANDON
ME: NO
WOMAN: FUCK YOU

---

ON OUR FIRST DATE

WOMAN: I love you
ME: k
WOMAN: i do
WOMAN: i really do
ME: me too and stuff
WOMAN: really?
ME: ya
WOMAN: thats the nicest thing uve ever said to me
ME: k
WOMAN: you understand me
WOMAN: thats something i admire
WOMAN: none of my other boyfriends ever understood why i am who i am
ME: k
WOMAN: you realize i have a distinctive and eccentric personality
WOMAN: and u accept that
ME: k
WOMAN: its one of the many things about you i just love
ME: k

YOU. Honestly, FUCK YOU.

This entire ordeal began last week, but it was actually triggered by the fact my GF has been bitching for over a month now that she and I don't TALK enough. She thinks I've been having an affair, that I've been ignoring her, that I hate her, all that sht. About two weeks ago, she decided out of the blue that my obsession with Grand Theft Auto has been the cause of our lack of communication (and her ongoing period). After a couple days, she begged the question "GTA or me, which do you choose?" I honestly answered I'd rather have her than any other game or system in the world, that I loved her more than anything, you know -- the usual corny relationship crap.

Then she asked "If you love me so much, why do you spend more time playing that fcking game than you do with me?" I explained to her that the game was just a little addictive hobby, that I'll eventually tire of it after I kill enough old women, or drive off enough buildings, or crash into enough trees. She tells me that the game has been tearing us apart, that whenever she wants to talk to me I'm playing that game, or any other on my XBOX 360. Of course she's exaggerating, I spend less than half the time playing the game than I do talking to her. I've consistently told her that the game isn't the problem. She's concerned that we don't talk enough, but why should she blame it all on some innocent game?

Eventually, she gets her double-period, and tells me that if I keep playing the game, she's dumping me. What can I say, this insane bitch thinks she can tell me what I can or cannot do? When she tells me this, I immediately block her on MSN, but she has more to tell me. She drives to my house, fcking breaks in, walks up to my room, and sees me playing the game. She starts to cry then, and then starts to scream "You know what? Fck it, you can have your precious little fcking game, since you clearly prefer it to me!" In reply, I tell her to calm the fck down and take an aspirin or two. This only enrages her some more, and she tells me I don't command her. I could tell by now where this was going, so I unpause the game and continue to rocket launch some cops.

"Oh, alright. I see! I fcking see." She almost has me scared from the tone of her voice, and she just attacks my poor XBOX, ejects the GTA CD, and throws it on the floor, stomping it to pieces. Startled and angry, I yell out a big WHAT THE FCK, and she just looks at me and calmly says "what are you gonna do now?" I get up from my bed and I grab the pieces and throw them at her, giving it to her as a fcking present. She leaves then, but I follow right behind her, ready to buy myself another copy of the game with HER money. When she gets in her car, I open the passenger seat and reach inside her glove box. She starts to punch the back of my head, but I hardly feel it. I knew she kept at least 50 dollars in there in case of emergency, and I take it. I go back inside my house with her on my tail, calmly but pseudo-maniacally asking for her money back. I get my car keys from the kitchen and go back outside. She tells me she's calling the police, but I ignore it. I drive off with her money to Gamestop and buy myself another copy of GTA.

When I return home, thankfully no cops are waiting by my house. Everything is in intact, no money is stolen, and my XBOX is still alive. I shower, then I go online to see if she's on MSN. Nope, must've blocked me, and she also must've deleted me on MySpace because I'm no longer her #1 top friend. Things remain empty and silent for a few days, when all of a sudden she calls my cell phone. I pick up, and she tells me she's sorry, but before I could reply, my phone runs out of battery. I charge it for a second and call her back, but she ignores my call. I leave a message, saying I'm sorry about everything, that I'll pay her back her money, and immediately after I close my phone, she calls me. I pick up and she tells me to go kill myself, that she'd rather fck her father than ever talk to me again. I'm just about to tell her again that I'm sorry, but of course she hangs up. I wait a couple minutes, for maybe she'll get the message I sent her just a minute ago, but unfortunately she doesn't call me back.

So instead of sulking in sentimentality, I pop in my new GTA CD and relax to the fact that maybe it's all finally over. But no, no it's not over yet. Later on that day I realize she didn't block me on MSN because she's still on the 'online' contact list section, so I unblock her and immediately tell her I'm sorry for everything. She tells me she'll forgive me if I give her her money back, and I tell her I already spent it on a new GTA CD. Big. Fcking. Mistake.

Of course she blocks me. And a few days later when she finally unblocks me, I'm just about ready to tell her I don't give a sht anymore about her, she suddenly sends me a picture, and once I finally receive it, she signs off. It's a picture of her making out with my best friend. I haven't said anything to the two of them recently, but when I see one of their faces again, just be assured it'll have a broken nose within five minutes of our encounter.

If you take any of my supposed stories seriously, go kill yourself.

im really, you know, just your average pessimisstic atheist. which begins my following rant. hey, tell me this, why would you go to sleep tonight? to wake up tomorrow? why wake up tomorrow? to live the day, you might say, but why? why live the day? for a future, maybe, full of excitement, joy, grief, love. but... why? you go through a routine of getting together with a girl, having a family, allowing the recession to throttle you by the penis, your family leaving you to try and rebuild their life with a more optimistic atmosphere without money stressing their everyday routine. but then what? once you're alone, maybe you can find another girl, a cute, sensitive one, with blonde hair, one who indulges consistently in sentimentality, into sometimes surreal pap. but why? what does love offer, exactly, but a glimmer of hope? and what is hope? all this enigmatic intricacy only leads up to more and more wonder, and eventually we'll reach our patience with attempting to discover a meaning, and then what? we go back to our normal lock-step, banal life. after you've decided to just live life and have fun with it... i mean, how is that possible, realizing you're not making a contribution, and why bother making a contribution? what, you think you'll feel some satisfaction in your grave? you think your inner sub-conscious will rejoice in how you so much improved our precious economy? no, it doesn't work like that. you live, you die, the end. end of fucking story, mate. you may have some fun along the way, and you may have to deal with alotta bullshit. but wouldn't it be a relief to know that all you do you do for a reason? that's why i'm a heroin addict. because a good shot is like your best orgasm multiplied by a thousand. sure, you may die at a young age, never bear children, and have wasted your life, but what life exactly are you wasting? and don't you wanna make the best of it, then? you may think: when is this guys tedious soliloquy going to end! he needs help! sure, this is a tedious soliloquy, but this is also a tedious life. and you also may wonder: well why not kill yourself? and all i have to answer to that is a big fuck you. this may be a meaningless, bleak life, but it's got to at least be worthwhile, eh? this entire rant really just sums up my point... how does one make life worthwhile? by... diving into intellectual pursuits and granting the world a gift with your elusive knowledge? by putting food on the table? really, whether by directing an Oscar winning film, or living out in the streets, dying of a renal failure or emphysema, your affect on YOURSELF is no different. you may feel satisfied or ashamed... but why? you may affect society with your profound art, but to yourself, you're the same, cynical asshole, and in a few years, you won't even know it because you'll be rotting 4 feet underground. i sometimes ask myself when i think so deeply "well, what are you gonna do about it? you constantly bitch and whine and bitch and whine about life, it's like your having a mid-life fucking crisis". to this, i reply "well, if i had an answer to life, or an upbringing conclusion to all this fucking desolation, i'd probably go through with it." to which i replyy "well u aint gonna find it, so just live life." but WHAT IS LIFE. WHAT AM I LIVING? AM I LIVING FOR SOCIETY, MYSELF, YOU, HER, HIM, THEM, IT? Is there a god? is there really a paradise after death? well, i sure hope so, because another second of this dejection without even a glimmer of false hope would kill me. so to conclude, im just some random guy with an ordinary life, trying to make ends meet, trying to block out the realism of it all, like why the fuck should i bother. also fuck you.

What is it about Steve Carrell that makes him one of the finest comedic actors of the decade? Be it his minimal expressionism (something Jim Carrey couldn't do to save his life), or his uncanny ability to make any character likable, and almost charismatic? Whatever it is, he displays it brilliantly here, and it's one of the few achieving factors of this entertaining, but mostly ordinary comedy/thriller.

When an evil corporation reveals the identity of all the agents of a secret anti-terrorist organization, an analyst (Carrell) and an agent who recently got plastic surgery (Hathaway) embark on a pseudo-quest to discover what the terrorists have in mind, and why they were so quick to find out the identity of all the agents. Of course, they want the president dead, and it's up to Carrell and Hathaway to stop them.

Many of its gags were forced and predictable, but plenty were also hilarious. The chemistry between the two leads worked well, but not without its doubts, or bits of manufactured romance. After the first dozen twists or so, they began to drag to the point of predictability. However, while its extremely over-the-top climax was a bit obvious, it was also surprisingly involving. You could see miles away what would become of its characters, and that almost detracted from the experience, but Carrell's charm alone kept me engaged, and almost captivated.

So overall, the film fails at offering any innovative ideas, considering its plot holds the same intricacies, same twists, and same structure as many other crime-thrillers, but Carrell himself saves it from mediocrity.

6.5/10