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WHEN IM HUNGRY

ME: tacoplz
WOMAN: Make it yourself
ME: Excuse me?
WOMAN: make it yourself
ME: Who's the woman here?
WOMAN: Fuck you
ME: WHO'S THE WOMAN HERE
WOMAN: i dont give a shit
ME: YOUR the woman
ME: now make a taco
WOMAN: fuck you

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DURING A ZOMBIE PANDEMIC

ME: lol @ zombies
WOMAN: Martha's dead.
ME: sux
WOMAN: Martha's FUCKING DEAD MARTHA'S FUCKING DEAD
ME: so?
WOMAN: I need to call my parents
ME: k
WOMAN: I need to call my fucking parents HELP ME
ME: call em then
WOMAN: give me the phone
ME: u get it
WOMAN: give it to me its right there, right next to you.
ME: just come and get it
WOMAN: GIVE IT TO ME BRANDON
ME: NO
WOMAN: FUCK YOU

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ON OUR FIRST DATE

WOMAN: I love you
ME: k
WOMAN: i do
WOMAN: i really do
ME: me too and stuff
WOMAN: really?
ME: ya
WOMAN: thats the nicest thing uve ever said to me
ME: k
WOMAN: you understand me
WOMAN: thats something i admire
WOMAN: none of my other boyfriends ever understood why i am who i am
ME: k
WOMAN: you realize i have a distinctive and eccentric personality
WOMAN: and u accept that
ME: k
WOMAN: its one of the many things about you i just love
ME: k