Okay NG... here goes. I'm not going to spread fake bullshit to you like an attention-whoring little faggot, so if you're expecting story-time or copy-pasta... look elsewhere, which is pretty retarded, to be quite frank. The past month now has left me permanently traumatized, and since then i've been fucked up. The scenarios that took place were mild at best, but I've always been a little pussy about the paranormal, and old men stalking me in my apartment... I just need to let my shit out somewhere.

Okay look, my parents kicked me out of the house a few months ago when my brother found my weed stash and ratted me out. I wasn't really shocked by their initally harsh reaction, because they'd consistently warned me they would do this if they ever caught me doing drugs of any sort (including cigarettes). So they havent totally neglected me, they didn't just throw me out into the streets. They sent me money to find an apartment of my own, they supported me all the way, basically. You'd think they totally forgot about the circumstances that led to all of this in the first place because of how cool they seemed to react. Well when I first walked into the apartment, the very first thing I noticed is that it was really, REALLY cold. Cold as death would be the proper term to use, but that's something I use for bullshit creepypasta. I spent the day unpacking my things and checking the place out, you know, to make good use of my day off from work, got to know the residents of the apartment building. I was actually having a good time, to be completely honest, as I always thought living alone would be a hellish experience. Well it soon, REALLY fucking soon turned into one.

About a week after moving in, learning everyones name, decorating my apartment with movie posters, and my parents stop calling and sending me money and stuff, I literally woke up one morning and found a deep cut inside my hand, between my index and middle finger. There were several droplets of blood on the floor. Yes, i know itseems like OP is descending into bullshit, but just read on. I assumed that maybe something had fallen off the bedside cabinet and had struck my hand, but there was nothing on the floor. I tried to remember any violent activity last night, but all I did really was finish up some school work and watched a movie. I looked around the room for something that could've cut through my hand like that, and when I couldnt find anything I just gave up. But I didn't just pass it off, no, from that point on, I felt a strange presence in the apartment room. It didn't help things out when I woke up one night to the sound of a man COUGHING IN MY FUCKING KITCHEN.

That's right, you read that correctly. I didn't even open my eyes when I heard it, I just listened to him cough loudly from my bedroom, and that was it. I pretended to be asleep because, well, if whatever it was knew I was awake, i feared it'd walk in and cough blood on me and kill me or something. I realize it's irrational to think that, but it's also pretty irrational to hear some cocksucker roaming about in my apartment in the middle of the night while I'm half-asleep.

The next day I obviously just assumed I dreamt the mysterious coughing man, but I knew deep inside my subconscious that I hadn't. Average horror movie cliche, eh? I contemplated moving out of my apartment, because I started having serious sleeping problems. I would need to sleep with my light on and a knife beneath my pillow, or else I wouldn't fall asleep at all. My electricity bill suffered for that, of course, but at least it temporarily cured my insomnia. and by temporarily, I mean that I literally heard my bedroom door open one night as I slept with my light on, and some asshole reach inside and flip off my fucking light switch. He didn't have the decency to close the door, fucking ghost. I took the knife out from under my pillow, and clenching it tight I yelled "who's there?", and then I heard footsteps nearing closer to my room before stopping, and I saw a hand reach in and turn on my light and walk out.

I thought some fucker was playing games with me now, so I got out of bed and fully opened the door and looked around the apartment room for this flaming cocksucker. I couldn't find him, so like a little pussy I said aloud "I have a gun, asswipe. Show yourself". Of course he stayed in hiding. I called the police soon afterwards, and they arrived in like 30 minutes, searched the place, and questioned me for a long time before accusing me of simply hallucinating. I didn't blame them -- if some dumbass called me about a guy who flicked on his light-switch, I'd immediately hang up on him.

Anyways, when the cops finally left the apartment building, that same night when I managed to fall asleep, I had a nightmare that just FUCKED me up. I found myself back in that same night when i heard the man cough, and in the dream I walked to the kitchen where I had heard him coming from that night, and there stood a bald man wearing a white shirt and boxer shorts looking to the ground and coughing out blood. He turned up and looked up me suddenly, and his expression went blank. I was literally paralyzed with fear as he stared at me. When I'd watch those horror movies, I'd always think "RUN YOU FUCKING BASTARD" to the asshole who's just standing there as the killer mutilates his half-sister's boyfriend, but there's no way I'd risk turning my back on a potential demonic being, and no way would I reveal to him my fear, and let him start chasing after me while turned towards him.

He turned away from me after an awkward 30 seconds, and he walked towards my room and laid down in my bed. I was still standing in the kitchen staring intently, watching that fat motherfucker lay down in MY bed, and suddenly my bedroom door closed as he lay spasming out of control, and I woke up.

That same day, I heard that my neighbor had had a heart attack in bed. I wasn't in the correct mindset to think "coincidence", so instead I thought WHAT THE FUCK and without hesitation, I paid my rent and got my ass permanently out of the apartment. I packed my things up quickly, leaving behind some unimportant shit, but when I was trying to drive away, I felt that eery presence of demise in the car with me... was the man in the car with me? Was he behind my seat, ready to slit my throat at the next light. Hysterical at this point, I hit the breaks in the middle of the road, hopefully causing that "demonic figure" to lose its balance or whatever. I remember thinking I wasn't about to die there, not then, fuck that shit. I parked the car, leaped out of it, and started walking. Just started walking and walking and walking for over an hour, until I was lost, miles away from my apartment building, and had to call my mom from a pay phone to pick me up.

My car had obviously been tolled from where I left it parked, but I was not very concerned about it at the moment. She was pulling up on the apartment building, about to drop me off at that hell-hole, and I just started crying, right then and there like a little fucking pussy. I didn't tell her I was scared of the evil boogeyman, but rather I apologized to her about the weed in between sobs. I wasn't embarassed at all about my crying, I only wanted to get rid of that ominous presence I felt everywhere I went, that a man from an alternate dimension was going to slit my throat, or cut off my hand, or send me to a prison where I shall spend eternity crying and begging to be released. I finally got to my parents house, and I hugged my sisters and brother and family as a whole, as it had been weeks since I last saw them in person. We all ate dinner together and my dad teased me about how "reality is tough, aint it?" Honestly, I was handling things well financially, but yes, reality did fucking suck.

That night, sleeping in my old room, the presence was gone. I rejoiced, finally feeling safe for the first time in quite awhile. Today I type this from my parents house, and I intend to stay here in this house until I forget my stay at that fucking apartment room, with old men coughing in my kitchen, cutting my hand at night, flicking my light switch off, and haunting me in my sleep. I realize now it's irrational to think it was a paranormal being, that it's "obvious" that a man was terrorizing me at night. Both scenarios are pretty fucking creepy, though.

(7:58 PM) Absyrd: HOLY SHIT
(7:58 PM) Absyrd: I ACCIDENTALLY A COCA COLA BOTTLE
(7:59 PM) my name is rober: you accidentaly what?
(7:59 PM) Absyrd: a coke bottle
(7:59 PM) Absyrd: seriously
(7:59 PM) Absyrd: omfg help
(7:59 PM) my name is rober: how can i?
(7:59 PM) my name is rober: i don't know what happened to you that involved a coca cola bottle
(7:59 PM) Absyrd: ACCIDENTALLY
(8:00 PM) my name is rober: what did you do?
(8:00 PM) my name is rober: what fake story are you trying to do this time?
(8:00 PM) Absyrd: look, there's a coke bottle
(8:00 PM) Absyrd: right?
(8:00 PM) Absyrd: and i
(8:00 PM) Absyrd: ACCIDENTALLY
(8:00 PM) Absyrd: the coca cola bottle
(8:00 PM) Absyrd: is it that hard to understand?
(8:00 PM) my name is rober: yes
(8:01 PM) my name is rober: there is no verb in that sentence
(8:01 PM) my name is rober: you are not forming a coherent thought
(8:01 PM) Absyrd: HOLY SHIT, im looking it up online
(8:01 PM) Absyrd: people have gone to the hospital for it
(8:01 PM) my name is rober: for WHAT, dare i ask?
(8:01 PM) my name is rober: what fake injury have you made?
(8:01 PM) Absyrd: the COCA COLA BOTTLE
(8:02 PM) my name is rober: what happened to you that involved a coca cola bottle?
(8:02 PM) my name is rober: did u swallow it?
(8:02 PM) Absyrd: nooo
(8:02 PM) Absyrd: look, i had it in my hand
(8:02 PM) Absyrd: i had the coke bottle in my hand
(8:02 PM) Absyrd: and i
(8:02 PM) Absyrd: accidentally
(8:02 PM) Absyrd: the coca cola bottle
(8:03 PM) my name is rober: here's what you're saying
(8:03 PM) my name is rober: "i accidentally the coca cola bottle"
(8:03 PM) my name is rober: where's the verb that says what you did?
(8:03 PM) my name is rober: that sentence is the same as
(8:03 PM) my name is rober: "i disaster movie last week"
(8:04 PM) Absyrd: HOLY SHIT HELP
(8:04 PM) Absyrd: IT'S GETTING WORSE
(8:05 PM) my name is rober: well what did you ACCIDENTALLY do with the coke bottle?
(8:05 PM) Absyrd: ill try to explain it like a normal human being
(8:05 PM) Absyrd: i had the coca cola bottle from last week when i ordered pizza
(8:05 PM) Absyrd: and when i took it out and opened it
(8:06 PM) Absyrd: i accidentally
(8:06 PM) Absyrd: the whole bottle
(8:06 PM) Absyrd: of coke
(8:06 PM) my name is rober: again, i will say this
(8:06 PM) Because was added to this conversation. Handwriting is no longer supported because not all participants can view handwritten messages. Handwritten messages will be sent as text.
(8:06 PM) my name is rober: where's the fucking VERB
(8:06 PM) Absyrd: because
(8:06 PM) Absyrd: help
(8:06 PM) Because: btw when name says my gamertag
(8:06 PM) Absyrd: Because, i accidentally a whole bottle of coke
(8:06 PM) Absyrd: seriously
(8:06 PM) Absyrd: im not kidding
(8:08 PM) my name is rober: absurd, stop leaving out what you did with the coke bottle
(8:08 PM) my name is rober: and tell what u did
(8:09 PM) my name is rober: with a coke bottle
(8:09 PM) Absyrd: its getting worse omgg
(8:09 PM) Because has removed his/her personal message
(8:09 PM) Christopher has been added to the conversation.
(8:09 PM) Absyrd: chris
(8:09 PM) Absyrd: omfg
(8:09 PM) Absyrd: i accidentally a whole bottle of coke
(8:10 PM) Christopher: OMG NO
(8:10 PM) Christopher: NOT ACCIDENTALLY A WHOLE?
(8:10 PM) Absyrd: SERIOUSLY
(8:10 PM) Absyrd: LIKE
(8:10 PM) Absyrd: FROM LAST WEEK WHEN I ORDERED PIZZA
(8:10 PM) Absyrd: i opened the bottle
(8:10 PM) Absyrd: and i accidentally the ENTIRE THING
(8:10 PM) Absyrd: LIKE
(8:10 PM) Absyrd: LITERALLY
(8:10 PM) Absyrd: THE ENTIRE BOTTLE
(8:10 PM) my name is rober: wow.... someone actually speaks your language, absurd
(8:10 PM) Because has left the conversation.
(8:10 PM) Christopher: HOLY SHIT
(8:10 PM) Christopher: Have you gone to see the vetenarian?
(8:11 PM) Absyrd: wtf...
(8:11 PM) Absyrd: why?
(8:11 PM) Absyrd: why would i need to go to a vet
(8:12 PM) Christopher: Why not?
(8:12 PM) Absyrd: i hope you're kidding
(8:12 PM) Absyrd: because like
(8:12 PM) Absyrd: the entire thing
(8:12 PM) Absyrd: the ENTIRE COCA COLA BOTTLE
(8:12 PM) Absyrd: I accidentally
(8:12 PM) Absyrd: so
(8:12 PM) Christopher: I KNOW
(8:13 PM) Christopher: But seriously, vets are profesionals at that dealing you accidentally.
(8:13 PM) Christopher: They get that shit all the time.
(8:13 PM) my name is rober: either a vet or one of those doctors that their hand up your ass
(8:14 PM) Christopher: Robert, may I call you Roberto?
(8:14 PM) Christopher: Roberto, have you ever felt the warmth of man's hand carresing your leg?
(8:14 PM) my name is rober: no
(8:14 PM) Christopher: That's what I thought.
(8:15 PM) Christopher: So why are you speaking when unspoken to?
(8:15 PM) my name is rober: i'm just trying to offer suggestions
(8:15 PM) Christopher: Hold on, let me get my deck of cards.
(8:15 PM) my name is rober: to help absurd, but unfortunately
(8:15 PM) Christopher: Ah, here we go.
(8:15 PM) my name is rober: he's not saying what's wrong
(8:15 PM) Christopher: SHUT THE HELL UP.
(8:15 PM) my name is rober: wait, do i know you?
(8:15 PM) my name is rober: have we ever talked before?
(8:15 PM) Christopher: You're ignoring the shut the hell card.
(8:16 PM) my name is rober: likem absurd just randomly invited you?
(8:16 PM) Christopher: I have known Absurd since the day I came out his womb.
(8:16 PM) my name is rober: yeah, he has definitely invited you to a convo with me in it
(8:17 PM) my name is rober: why else are you talking to me the way u r?
(8:17 PM) my name is rober: outta here

(9:59 PM) Absyrd: OMG
(9:59 PM) Absyrd: THE MOVIE "W" LOOKS SO AWESOME
(9:59 PM) Callan : I don't care?
(10:00 PM) Absyrd: it's about the life of George W Bush
(10:00 PM) Absyrd: a satirical biography
(10:00 PM) Absyrd: looks hilarious
(10:01 PM) Callan : I don't care.
(10:01 PM) Absyrd: what a surprise
(10:01 PM) Absyrd: callan doesn't care
(10:01 PM) Absyrd: will definitely make top news story
(10:02 PM) Callan : Choke and die.
(10:02 PM) Absyrd: choke and live
(10:02 PM) Callan : I'M NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD YOU DUMB SHIT
(10:02 PM) Callan : JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.
(10:02 PM) Absyrd: no u
(10:03 PM) Callan : Oh my fucking God.
(10:03 PM) Callan : Just shut up
(10:03 PM) Absyrd: u
(10:03 PM) Callan : I mean it
(10:03 PM) Absyrd: u
(10:03 PM) Callan : Fine. Blocked.
(10:03 PM) Absyrd: u

When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:29 PM):
heyy sorry
erik says (8:29 PM):
hi
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:29 PM):
how are you
erik says (8:29 PM):
good u
erik says (8:29 PM):
have pics or can i see yoru cam
*
* erik is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to Accept (Alt+C) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
*
* You have accepted the invitation to start sending webcam.
*
* You have stopped viewing webcam with erik.
*
erik says (8:30 PM):
?
erik says (8:30 PM):
where ug o
*
* erik is inviting you to start sending webcam. Do you want to Accept (Alt+C) or Decline (Alt+D) the invitation?
*
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:31 PM):
wanna see a pic of me posing befor rehearsing for play?
erik says (8:31 PM):
sure
*
* You have declined the invitation to start sending webcam.
*
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go sends:

erik says (8:31 PM):
love to see you on cam too
*
* Transfer of "Pasted_Data_3722.jpg" is complete.
*
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:31 PM):
its kinda ugly but its the best i got on my comp
erik says (8:31 PM):
nice pic
erik says (8:31 PM):
looks like u have fun
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:31 PM):
you really think so?
erik says (8:31 PM):
can i see your cam
erik says (8:32 PM):
yeah nice bum :)
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:32 PM):
that's the nicest thing i've heard anyone say to me
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:32 PM):
im so sorry
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:32 PM):
wait
erik says (8:32 PM):
k
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:32 PM):
what do u want me to wear
erik says (8:32 PM):
umm thong :)
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:33 PM):
i cant do this. stay online. i was hired to pose as a 13 year old girl on popular chat centers for NBC. you seem like a really nice guy and I can't do this to you.
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:34 PM):
they're trying to trace this conversation but im going to tell them its a hoax
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:34 PM):
its a hoax, right?
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:34 PM):
just say its a hoax
erik says (8:34 PM):
please like i belive u
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:34 PM):
NOTICE TO PARTICIPANT: The Federal Bureau of Investigation has logged a record of this chat along with the IP adresses of the participants due to violation of United States federal law. VIOLATION: Solicitation of a minor. IMPORTANT: If you believe this chat to be logged in error, please state your reasons to the F.B.I. Monitoring agent observing this chat and quote reference number 3744956127. failure to do so within the next 2 minutes will result in your IP address being entered in our criminal database and prosecution. Your IP address has been recorded by the Child Internet Service protection Agency. Please wait while ref code 3744956127 is entered into the database.
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:34 PM):
My name is Michael Johan of the FBI's child safety services division. Your IP has been logged and this chat session has been saved as evidence. We have determined you are in violation of offenses pertaining to sexual solicitation of a minor, sexual grooming of a minor, and inciting illicit acts with a minor. A warrant for your arrest will be issued for these offenses.
erik says (8:35 PM):
thats fine since i am underage so
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:35 PM):
How old are you, Erik?
erik says (8:35 PM):
15
erik says (8:35 PM):
lot of gigrls like older guys
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:36 PM):
i have seen through ur clever ruse
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:36 PM):
anyways
*
* You have invited erik to start viewing webcam. Please wait for a response or Cancel (Alt+Q) the pending invitation.
*
* erik has accepted your invitation to start viewing webcam.
*
erik says (8:36 PM):
?
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:37 PM):
DO U SEE ME
erik says (8:37 PM):
no
erik says (8:38 PM):
k wree u
erik says (8:38 PM):
were u
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:38 PM):
IM RIGHT THERE

When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:40 PM):
THE TRUTH IS
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:40 PM):
MICHAEL
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:40 PM):
IM A PEDOPHILE
erik says (8:40 PM):
m or f?
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:40 PM):
M
erik says (8:41 PM):
how old r u
When love casts its spell, there's no letting go says (8:41 PM):
41

IF YOU'RE A FAGGOT, AND YOU WANT TO SEE THE PICTURE HE SENT ME, ADD ME ON MSN at absurdrandomness@hotmail.com

(3:31 PM) basse: hi
(3:31 PM) lindsey hehe: hii
(3:31 PM) basse: dad here
(3:31 PM) lindsey hehe: i no
(3:32 PM) basse: so ur momthinks ur a slut ?
(3:32 PM) lindsey hehe: noo she thinks that everything i do is like being slutty
(3:32 PM) basse: ok
(3:32 PM) lindsey hehe: if i wear my shorts to tight or too short she thinks its slutty
(3:32 PM) lindsey hehe: like wth
(3:32 PM) basse: we keep this a secret ?
(3:33 PM) lindsey hehe: ya
(3:33 PM) lindsey hehe: why
(3:33 PM) basse: i could get locked up i'm kinda old
(3:34 PM) lindsey hehe: u cant get locked up for talking to me
(3:34 PM) basse: some people dont like older men to talk with young girls
(3:35 PM) lindsey hehe: 33 is not that old
(3:35 PM) lindsey hehe: my dads 10 yrs oldr
(3:35 PM) basse: i'm glad u think so
(3:35 PM) basse: i'd love to see u slutty
(3:36 PM) lindsey hehe: hehe
(3:36 PM) lindsey hehe: i took a cupple pics
(3:36 PM) basse: girls in thong arenice
(3:36 PM) basse: would u send some ?
(3:37 PM) basse: i'll send u my cock
(3:37 PM) lindsey hehe: ok but first i gotta tell you that if you try to keylog me ill send my boyfriends dad after you he traced the last guy
(3:37 PM) basse: keylog ???
(3:37 PM) basse: what is that ?
(3:37 PM) lindsey hehe: thats when you put a virus on my computer that lets u see eveyrthing i do
(3:37 PM) lindsey hehe: the last guy did it to me
(3:38 PM) basse: i wouldent do that
(3:38 PM) lindsey hehe: ok i trust u
(3:38 PM) lindsey hehe: but still im kinda paranoid
(3:38 PM) basse: if u want to show me what ur doing it is up to u
(3:39 PM) lindsey hehe: i will
(3:39 PM) lindsey hehe: i gotta find the pic tho
(3:39 PM) lindsey hehe: i hid it in my comp so my parents dont find it
(3:39 PM) basse: i'd love to see u play on cam sometime
(3:39 PM) basse: u promise not to show anyone the pics i send u ?
(3:40 PM) lindsey hehe: ok
(3:40 PM) lindsey hehe: hold on though im having trouble looking for this pic
(3:40 PM) lindsey hehe: ill find it
(3:40 PM) basse: ok
(3:41 PM) lindsey hehe: sorry
(3:41 PM) lindsey hehe: ill keep looking
(3:41 PM) basse: please
(3:42 PM) basse: u dont want the pic i send ?
(3:42 PM) lindsey hehe: u send it then
(3:43 PM) basse: Initiated a file transfer
(3:43 PM) basse: i did sweety
(3:43 PM) lindsey hehe: can u link it somewhere im afraid of virus
(3:43 PM) You have failed to receive file "08062008114.jpg" from basse.
(3:43 PM) basse: i dont have virus i promise
(3:43 PM) lindsey hehe: thats what the last guy said
(3:44 PM) basse: u can kill me if u want
(3:44 PM) lindsey hehe: ok send it i trust u
(3:44 PM) basse: i dont do that to anyone
(3:44 PM) basse: Initiated a file transfer
(3:44 PM) lindsey hehe: but if i get a malware popup ill send my bf's dad over there. the last guy was in finland and he beat him to a pulp i mean it
(3:44 PM) basse: a what ??
(3:44 PM) lindsey hehe: malware means you sent me a keylogger
(3:45 PM) lindsey hehe: but i didnt get one yet
(3:45 PM) lindsey hehe: so ur safe
(3:45 PM) basse: i never do things like that
(3:45 PM) basse: and i have never done it
(3:46 PM) basse: i dont even know how to
(3:46 PM) lindsey hehe: ok i have a pic but its not the thong
(3:46 PM) basse: ok
(3:46 PM) lindsey hehe: its one with my sister
(3:46 PM) basse: ok
(3:47 PM) You have successfully received C:\Users\Absyrd\Documents\My Received Files\08062008114.jpg from basse.
(3:47 PM) lindsey hehe: this was taken last year btw
(3:47 PM) basse: it naughty ?
(3:47 PM) lindsey hehe: no
(3:47 PM) basse: ok
(3:47 PM) lindsey hehe: u want naughty?
(3:47 PM) basse: if u can find some
(3:48 PM) lindsey hehe: ok hold on
(3:48 PM) basse: i'd love to see the one with u and ur sis
(3:49 PM) lindsey hehe: ok i found one but its small do u care
(3:49 PM) basse: it is ok
(3:50 PM) lindsey hehe: ok
(3:51 PM) lindsey hehe: Initiated a file transfer
(3:51 PM) lindsey hehe: hlo
(3:51 PM) basse: i'm waiting
(3:51 PM) basse:
(3:51 PM) lindsey hehe: Initiated a file transfer
(3:51 PM) basse: please send it
(3:51 PM) lindsey hehe: i did
(3:52 PM) lindsey hehe: didnt u get it
(3:52 PM) Transfer of "Pasted_Data_36bc.jpg" is complete.
(3:52 PM) basse: wow
(3:52 PM) lindsey hehe: wuts wrong
(3:52 PM) basse: i love u
(3:52 PM) lindsey hehe: oh thx
(3:52 PM) lindsey hehe: look i need to tell you the truth
(3:52 PM) lindsey hehe: im so sorry
(3:53 PM) basse: what ?
(3:53 PM) lindsey hehe: some fbi guys hired me to do this they told me to get you roused up to fulfill an arrest or somerhing. they said theyve been trying to get at you for weeks
(3:53 PM) lindsey hehe: im so sorry
(3:53 PM) lindsey hehe: NOTICE TO PARTICIPANT: The Federal Bureau of Investigation has logged a record of this chat along with the IP adresses of the participants due to violation of United States federal law. VIOLATION: Solicitation of a minor. IMPORTANT: If you believe this chat to be logged in error, please state your reasons to the F.B.I. Monitoring agent observing this chat and quote reference number 3744956127. failure to do so within the next 2 minutes will result in your IP address being entered in our criminal database and prosecution. Your IP address has been recorded by the Child Internet Service protection Agency. Please wait while ref code 3744956127 is entered into the database.
(3:53 PM) lindsey hehe: My name is Michael Johan of the FBI's child safety services division. Your IP has been logged and this chat session has been saved as evidence. We have determined you are in violation of offenses pertaining to sexual solicitation of a minor, sexual grooming of a minor, and inciting illicit acts with a minor. A warrant for your arrest will be issued for these offenses.
(3:53 PM) basse is now Offline

<lindseyNC13> 13/f/nc u
<shotanderected> 22/m/nc
<shotanderected> do u live in high point
<lindseyNC13> omg
<lindseyNC13> howd u no
<shotanderected> i didntt
<shotanderected> i live there too
<lindseyNC13> oooh
<lindseyNC13> :p sorry
<shotanderected> its ok
<shotanderected> u got pic?
<shotanderected> hlo?
<lindseyNC13> ya hold on
<lindseyNC13> im looking
<lindseyNC13> IMAGE LINK CENSORED
<shotanderected> omf
<shotanderected> ur really cute
<lindseyNC13> :p thanks
<lindseyNC13> send me a pic of u
<shotanderected> IMAGE LINK CENSORED
<shotanderected> u ther
<shotanderected> :(
<lindseyNC13> i didnt ask u to get naked
<shotanderected> oh im sorry
<lindseyNC13> thats so freaky
<shotanderected> im sorry
<shotanderected> srsly
<shotanderected> omg im really sorry
<lindseyNC13> ur cute tho
<shotanderected> oh
<shotanderected> thanks
<lindseyNC13> yaa but next time tell me ur gonna get naked
<lindseyNC13> i was in my living room
<shotanderected> oh im so sorry
<shotanderected> did anyone see?
<lindseyNC13> my brother did
<shotanderected> ohh no
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<shotanderected> im really sorry
<shotanderected> really i am
<lindseyNC13> its ok
<lindseyNC13> u just made me horny :p
<shotanderected> woo
<shotanderected> how horny
<lindseyNC13> hold on lemme go to my room
<lindseyNC13> hlo?
<shotanderected> ya im hard
<shotanderected> hehe
<lindseyNC13> im naked
<lindseyNC13> my nipples r hard
<shotanderected> haha
<shotanderected> i want to suck them
<lindseyNC13> i was to suck ur hard dick
<shotanderected> i want u to suck it too
<lindseyNC13> :p
<shotanderected> u wanna meet up/
<shotanderected> sorry
<shotanderected> sorry i no that was weird
<lindseyNC13> wher do u live
<shotanderected> eh my wife is here
<shotanderected> whre do u live
<lindseyNC13> omg i thot u were single
<lindseyNC13> ur actually married wtff
<shotanderected> is that bad
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<shotanderected> i really am
<shotanderected> is it ok
<lindseyNC13> leave her
<shotanderected> huh what
<lindseyNC13> leave her
<lindseyNC13> put on ur webcam and record it
<lindseyNC13> i want u to divorce her
<lindseyNC13> im not gonna fuck a married man
<lindseyNC13> leave her on we wont meet up
<shotanderected> i cant
<lindseyNC13> ok then bye
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<shotanderected> i cant
<shotanderected> shes so sweet i love her
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<lindseyNC13> if u love her then why are you trying to fuck young girls?
<shotanderected> im so sorry
<shotanderected> i really am
<shotanderected> i just dont love her that way
<shotanderected> god didnt made me that way
<shotanderected> shes the nicest person i hever knew
<shotanderected> and i cant just leave her
<lindseyNC13> if u LOVE her than why are u trying to get my adress
<lindseyNC13> so we can talk about life?
<lindseyNC13> u wanna fuck me and i wont do it unless u leave that bitch
<shotanderected> shes not a bitch
<shotanderected> ur a slut
<lindseyNC13> oh im a slut now?
<lindseyNC13> i was about to get naked for you
<lindseyNC13> fuckin faggot u ruined u chance
<shotanderected> NO
<shotanderected> IM SO SORRY
<shotanderected> please
<shotanderected> dont go
<shotanderected> the last thing
<shotanderected> i need now
<shotanderected> is someone mad at mee
<lindseyNC13> im sending this log to the fbi
<lindseyNC13> mr. high point NC
<shotanderected> i was lying
<shotanderected> dont believe anything u read on the intrnet kid
<lindseyNC13> alright u were lying
<lindseyNC13> so i guess it wont matter when i send this log
<shotanderected> whatev
<shotanderected> go ahead
<shotanderected> i dont care
<lindseyNC13> i sent the log to the charlotte fbi
<lindseyNC13> good luck in jail u pedo fuck

Who knows what to expect from Woody Allen? Most of the films he's made this decade have been pretty unpredictable, and suspiciously Allen has agreed with the public reaction regarding most of them. I thought Melinda and Melinda was a fine, worthwhile effort, Scoop was just mostly mediocre, Match Point was the best film of Allen's career, and Cassandra's Dream was easily the worst he's made. So considering his recent schizophrenic attitude, I wasn't sure where I'd go with this film, but I was still looking forward to it, mostly for Cruz's supposed Oscar-worthy performance and, well, you gotta give the guy credit after so many years of brilliant comedies, and even his failures being interesting failures.

The film centers around two best friends (Vicky and Cristina) who decide to spend the Summer in Barcelona, and while there they are both faced with romantic conflicts with an artist, Juan Antonio, who has invited them to his home for the weekend to get to know each other and have sex. But it's not a love/hate, conventional jealous-romance-plot, it's situations are entirely human and almost brooding in a sort of loosely ardent manner. A lot goes on between their relationships, especially with Cristina, who develops among the strangest love circles ever put on film which I'd rather not give away. Vicky, who is about to get married, forms a sudden attraction towards Juan, but I never really saw it as sexual attraction, but rather as an escape from the knowledge of the desolate reality of commitment. Oh, and did I mention Juan's psychotic manic-depressive ex-wife eventually comes into the picture? Despite the absurdity of the entire situation, the whole thing is executed with definitive authenticity. Part of that may be because of the natural dialogue, which was right off the bat the obvious work of Woody Allen. The perfect dialogue combined with the absurdity of the situation created several absolutely perfect moments of comedic timing. It's characters are smart and human, not just self-aware variations of cliché'd romantic comedy characters. It's situations are not tired and consistently replicated "boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl" plots, but an episodic stream of events packed with energy and originality just about every other romantic comedy this year seemed to lack.

But alas, not all was perfect. The film's narrator spoke with an irritatingly robotic tone, along with narration being entirely pointless from the start, and I also thought the film spent too long expressing Vicky's passionless relationship with her husband (which in a way, may have been intentional)... but it's an otherwise tiny flaw which hardly detracted from the overall joyful experience Woody has provided. And yes, give Cruz that Oscar.

8.75/10

ME: I like raping children. Their smooth buttocks and undeveloped bodies sexually gratify me to an extent beyond normality. Just the thought of raping children sexually arouses me. What do you guys think of the lovely sex toy known as children?

FAGGOT: Reported.

ME: Wow... you are by far the most sensitive faggot on the internet. Whenever your mates make fun of you, or tells you an offensive joke, do you whine about it to your fat cunt of a mother? Do you go on the internet simply to report every slightly repellent remark to satisfy your smug arrogance? I assume you went to a Private School where reality was grounds for expulsion, because only a parent or a little bitch would cry about such an obvious joke.

FAGGOT: Yawn. Please spare me the "this is the internet" crap, because I've heard enough of it by now. This is a family friendly server, hence it's almost exactly like telling your story to a concerned mother. And I never went to a Private School, so there goes your pathetic theory.

ME: Family friendly? Which is why it contains information about porno videos, uses an essentially tricky board system, and requires you to be of a certain age to post on the forums? And why should I spare you the "this is the internet" crap, the internet and real life are both entirely different.

FAGGOT: The internet is simply an alternate form of communication, why do you think bomb threats made on the internet are taken just as seriously as those in real life?

ME: The internet is SIMPLY an alternate form of communication? Woah, you've certainly outdone yourself there, Mr. Faggot. The internet is almost an alternate REALITY, a second LIFE, a place for social networking without judging merely on appearance and mannerisms. And bomb threats made on the internet are taken seriously because the government is fucking paranoid and stupid enough to believe a 15-year-old acne-ridden wimp who visits websites like 4chan and Newgrounds is a threat.

FAGGOT: You honestly need to just shut the fuck up and stop being such a closed-minded ignorant retard. Consequential actions may be different on the internet from real life, but both are generally for similar circumstances, be it for harassment, fraud, or even stealing. And how is the SS expected to know that the NG and 4chan users are 15 fucking years old? And what if a threat ever turned out to be authentic, and the president is killed, and the SS must bear the guilt of having a chance to disengage the diabolical plan? How about you stop being such a naive fuck and learn to take the world seriously, be it on the internet or in real life?

ME: For one, your appallingly disgusting arguments consist of hypothetical impossibilites, so I'm simply going to pass them off as a desperate attempt at defending your loose opinions. Second, you need to take some medication for that Bipolar, because you've made it very clear you have mild variation of it. I honestly won't be surprised if you become the next Mitchell Henderson or that fat bitch who offed herself if I insult you to a harmful extent, so I'll just keep quiet for now.

FAGGOT: You are an unctuous little scumbag piece of shit. First you assume I know nothing of reality for simply for displaying a routinely concerned tone in regards to reading such appalling material. Then you pass off my arguments as forced and desperate, simply because you're too closed-minded and ignorant to understand the reasoning behind the government's taut security. Now you unfairly diagnosed me with a serious mental disorder for disagreeing with your opinion with a harsh tone after you consistently insulted me and my arguments, and you exploited a manic-depressive child's suicide to gratify some sort of pathetic humor in your disgusting nature. Consider yourself ignored, cunt.

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